


maybe i’m a shot in the dark and you’re the morning light

by estelares



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Getting Together, Idiots in Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:13:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21818710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estelares/pseuds/estelares
Summary: But there Hinata was, a furious hurricane of a boy who never knew when to shut up, when to back down, who always tagged along at his side, challenging him to dumb races he fell for instantly since he was just as competitive; who insisted on eating his lunch with Kageyama almost every day, scooting up as close as Kageyama would allow and trying to steal his milk.Hinata never took ‘no’ for an answer, and gradually Kageyama found he didn’t quite want to say no very often anyway.(In which Hinata is a force of nature and Kageyama revises some previously held beliefs.)
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 71
Kudos: 587





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i was recently introduced to haikyuu and my sleep schedule has suffered greatly for it.
> 
> the title is a lyric from the chorus of [a very cheesy song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcPscbBzCDE) i couldn't get out of my head at the time of writing.
> 
> thank you to phee for yelling about kagehina with me (though it is YOUR FAULT IN THE FIRST PLACE) and sarah for patiently fixing my awful grammar. remaining mistakes are definitely all mine. 
> 
> wishing you all a merry christmas and happy new year!!!
> 
> update: PLEASE LOOK AT THIS [GREAT ILLUSTRATION](https://hawberries.tumblr.com/post/189969922957) OF THIS FIC OMG

When it happened, it came all of a sudden to him - like a clap of thunder across a blue summer sky.

They were sitting on the floor of Hinata’s bedroom trying to do homework after practice (‘trying’ is always the operative term in these situations); the last of the afternoon sunlight filtered through cracks in the blinds had washed the entire room with a reddish-golden hue. Kageyama was nearly done with his calculus exercises for the day but Hinata, having had his pleas to take a break, do something, _anything_ else steadfastly ignored – Kageyama was determined not to end up in the bottom five of his class and face detention again – had already fallen asleep, head pillowed against folded arms, resting squarely on top of his open textbooks. From where he was sitting, he could see one cheek squished against the sleeve of Hinata’s shirt, the sweep of orange lashes and the even rise and fall of his slight shoulders. The colours of the sunset made his burnished hair look even brighter than usual, like it was alive, tipped with flame, shot through with golden light — and Kageyama suddenly itched with the inexplicable urge to run his fingers through the shock of tufty orange gold, to see if it was as soft and warm as it looked —

Before his rational brain had caught up with his body, Kageyama already reached out and made contact, gently carding through Hinata’s hair, lightly running strands between his fingers. Sun-warmed and soft, it was even better than his imagination had supplied, Kageyama absentmindedly noted - before Hinata stirred slightly, mumbling a sleepy, contented, ‘hrrmph?’

Jolted back to reality and to the gravity of his lapse of judgment, Kageyama hastily withdrew his treacherous fingers and shoved both hands beneath the cushion he sat upon. His heart thumped a strange staccato.

For his part, Hinata seemed totally unfazed.

‘Why’d you stop? S’nice,’ He stretched, made a poor attempt at smothering his wide yawn behind a hand and rubbed his eyes. 

‘I wasn’t— that was just— I’m, it’s not my fault your hair is so stupid!’ Kageyama felt his ears warm with embarrassment. He couldn’t even think of a good excuse as he continued grumbling, unable to force any real venom in his words. Hinata’s eyebrows lifted as he yawned again, the corner of his mouth curving into something that was way too smug for Kageyama’s liking.

(His jabs at Hinata had long ago lost the same edge they used to have, when they were just first years, hotheaded and reckless, always at each other’s throats on a hair trigger. They were more settled now, familiar with each other’s patterns - the way Hinata knew he’s in a worse mood when he’s hungry, the way Kageyama knew when Hinata breathes in on the upswing of a jump, knew always where he was like an awareness in the back of his mind, whether it be across the width of the court or on the other side of a classroom. As the upperclassmen on the volleyball team, they had to become more responsible, in more ways than one. So now... well, what _were_ they, now?)

Feeling his neck flush with heat, Kageyama looked down and finally remembered what they were doing in the first place. ‘Hurry up and finish your math homework, idiot, I’ve only got a page left,’ he snipped, and at last Hinata’s expression morphed into one of dismay against the falling night.

‘What!! Hey that’s not fair— It’s getting so late! Why didn’t you wake me earlier, you giant meanie??’ Hinata wailed as he sprung up to flick on the lights.

Picking up his pencil again, Kageyama shrugged and started on writing out the next proof just as the door slid open. Hinata’s mother popped in, holding a bowl of freshly cut fruit aloft. Seeing both boys hunched over their textbooks, she smiled fondly as she set the platter down between them.

‘Why, Kageyama-kun’s always such a good influence on you, Shou-chan! I can hardly remember when you study this much on your own,’ she exclaimed.

Mouth full of neatly sliced apples, Kageyama could only duck his head in acknowledgment as it was Hinata’s turn to squirm. ‘Okaa-saaaan,’ he pouted, fixing his mother with a plaintive look.

She laughed good-naturedly in response and ruffled Hinata’s hair before leaving, sliding the door shut.

‘Don’t go to bed too late, boys! And no shouting, Natsu’s asleep,’ she added from behind the door.

‘Yes ma’am,’ they chorused.

As a companionable silence fell over them again, Kageyama looked up from his page to Hinata, face scrunched in concentration as he scrawled out numbers across his exercise book in his familiar chicken-scratch, tongue slightly sticking out — and felt his hands twitch with an unnamable ache. He wanted to touch Hinata again. His hair, the curve of his jaw, the slope of his shoulders, sharp collarbones peeking out from the circle of his shirt collar — the images crept unbidden into his mind again, and Kageyama wrenched his thoughts back towards derivatives and sat on his free hand again, just in case.

This was a problem.

Wanting to touch Hinata was one thing, but actively _doing_ it, actually following through from desire to action without so much as a connecting thought – well. That was something else entirely.

He tried to be extra careful the remainder of the evening, harbouring the vague suspicion that his hands had developed sentience independent from the rest of him. Hinata didn’t seem to think anything was amiss, though, and Kageyama was about chalk it up as a brief moment of insanity on his part when Hinata emerged from the bath, towelling his hair and smelling like soap and steam.

Hinata threw the towel onto the floor before flopping onto his bed, right next to where Kageyama had been sitting. ‘Your turn to wash,’ he yawned widely and stretched like a contented cat, back arching in such a way that his loose pajama shirt rode up, a slice of pale skin peeking out. Maybe that was why Kageyama snapped a little too hard at him for getting in his space, but he chose not to think about that too much as he stalked towards the bathroom. He didn't look too long at Hinata's baffled expression, either. 

This must be Hinata’s fault, Kageyama reasoned with himself. It sure as hell was not his fault that Hinata thrived off physical touch and attention from others – from the very start, with people he only just met moments before; glowing with pride when Suga-san or Nishinoya ruffled his hair after a particularly good spike, beaming whenever Tanaka-san ran towards him, arms outstretched for a mid-air victory chest bump – and even earnestly, tirelessly wearing a bemused Tsukishima down for the elusive high-five that he refused to let Hinata have. Sometimes Kageyama would catch a glimpse of Hinata in hallways between classes they didn’t share, always with an arm looped around someone or draped over one of his friends, talking and laughing.

Growing up, Kageyama never understood the appeal of physical contact – he only ever initiated touch if absolutely necessary. He personally believed hugs were some kind of cosmic joke, forced upon him to be endured with relatives and avoided at all costs otherwise. What was so good about having someone _that_ close to your face, breathing your air, all pressed up against your sides? The last time his parents hugged him was at a funeral, and even that felt awkward and awful.

But there Hinata was, a furious hurricane of a boy who never knew when to shut up, when to back down, who always tagged along at his side, challenging him to dumb races he fell for instantly since he was just as competitive; who insisted on eating his lunch with Kageyama almost every day, scooting up as close as Kageyama would allow and trying to steal his milk. Hinata never took ‘no’ for an answer, and gradually Kageyama found he didn’t quite want to say no very often anyway.

It wasn’t his fault that when he set the ball for Hinata and they sync up just right it felt like Hinata was an extension of himself, severed by some freak accident in another lifetime. The seconds between the ball leaving his fingers and the sound of Hinata’s palm making contact was like a breath they took as one, and every time he felt the resonating sound of the ball like it was spiked from his own hand. The way Hinata grinned at him afterwards, every single time – still a little shocked but triumphant and thrilled all the same – it made him say the most stupid things unthinkingly; anything to keep this feeling, to keep Hinata on this same wavelength, to let him know Kageyama understood. _As long as I’m here, you’re invincible?_ What kind of lame, cheesy line was that?

(Seeing smirks on the faces of their elders and the neighbourhood association made him wish for the ground to open up and swallow him whole, but the awed look on Hinata’s face had almost seemed worth the mortification.)

And then, a few months later, when Hinata looked him square in the face and shouted his words back at him; earnest as he always was, like they weren’t hanging onto the match by a thread, like he wasn’t just as terrified as Kageyama was of Aoba Johsai – Hinata, who barely remembered what the teacher said in the morning by the same afternoon – Kageyama felt his throat close tight with emotion he could not identify and he wanted, for the first time, to touch Hinata back.

After the match ended, the high of their shock victory still ringing in his ears, Kageyama did just that, reaching for Hinata’s shoulder as they got ready to head off with the rest of the Karasuno team.

‘Hey,’ he began, and Hinata spun around too fast for his hand to land - the distance he had judged changed, and Kageyama found himself standing with fingers pressed against Hinata’s collarbones and the juncture of where shoulder met neck. The warmth of Hinata’s body beneath his shirt seeped through his fingertips, and Kageyama felt the rapid pulse of his heartbeat under thin, delicate skin.

Hinata twitched under his hand like a startled animal, eyeing him fearfully. ‘Y-yes?’

Kageyama released him immediately, scowling defensively in response. Why did he always make it so difficult?

‘Nothing! I just, wanted to say, um,’ he swallowed, the words stuck in his throat. ‘Th…..th-thanks – for, back then.’

Hinata’s expression shifted from terror to confusion before finally clearing with an incandescent grin. ‘Ohhh, right! Stupid Kageyama, I thought you were gonna go RAAAHHH at me again because you were mad about something I did in the match and got me all scared!!’

Kageyama blinked. He was always a little thrown when Hinata smiled at him like that, big and warm and bright. He shook his head – which Hinata apparently deemed a satisfactory answer.

‘Of course! You’re _my_ setter, I have to make sure you’re okay! Anyway, wanna grab a snack from Sakanoshita on the way home?’

Without waiting for his reply, Hinata turned and headed towards the waiting bus.

His setter, Kageyama thought as he quietly followed behind. He knew this was an obvious fact, but when Hinata said it out loud it felt like something more – like it was important, special – and it made his stomach do a strange flip.

—

It was also Hinata’s fault that Kageyama found himself in situations that he never would have intended to be in otherwise.

Like the very first time Kageyama ended up at Hinata’s house, which was somehow a complete accident but also, in hindsight, an entirely Hinata-engineered event. Sometime after the Tokyo training camp, they had taken their usual route from school to the point where they parted ways, Kageyama to head a few more blocks home and Hinata towards the mountain pass – and Hinata had boasted that he could ride his bike home faster than Kageyama ever could. Almost as a reflex, Kageyama had immediately snapped back ‘bet I can cycle to your house faster than you, _with you on the bike_ ’ and neither of them had thought of how to measure this kind of race since Hinata didn’t keep track of how long he took to get home but that was how Kageyama found himself leaning against the Hinata family gate, hands on his knees, desperately trying to catch his breath while Hinata sat perched on the back of his bike, laughing and laughing. That was when Hinata’s mother peered out from inside the house at the commotion and called out to them: ‘Shouyou, is this one of your volleyball friends?’

Kageyama was never one to talk back to parental figures, and declining would have felt quite rude. Besides, he couldn’t find it in himself to refuse the kind smiling face of Hinata-san, so after a few beats of hesitation he simply bowed in thanks and stepped inside the threshold to take off his shoes – ‘sorry for intruding,’ he had murmured. A glance at Hinata’s startled, delighted expression made him flush in embarrassment; made him wonder what the look on his own face was like. Hinata couldn’t possibly have known it had been his first time over at a classmate’s house.

‘Hold on,’ Hinata suddenly said, halfway through toeing off his own sneakers, one hand balanced against the wall. ‘Kageyama, I have a little sister, you have to be ni-‘

‘Onii-saaaaaaan!!’

They were interrupted by a small figure hurtling down the stairs as fast as her little legs could carry her – Kageyama glimpsed a flash of brown eyes and the same flame-bright hair as she raced towards her big brother, arms outstretched, shiny teeth showing in a huge grin before rapidly shifting into fear as one of her feet caught on a discarded shoe and shifted her trajectory rapidly downward –

Without thinking Kageyama had reached out with one hand in the same instant, as practiced as if she were just a volleyball – and caught Natsu by her tiny shoulders mid-stumble, gently setting her in front of Hinata before she could hit the ground. Hinata immediately picked her up and held her tight in one smooth movement, giving her a little shake in reprimand. ‘Na-chan!! How many times do you have to do this before you learn? Thank god Kageyama caught you, you could have lost another tooth!!’

‘Ka…ge…?’ Natsu blinked, still winded from her tumble, and turned around to observe Kageyama – still towering uncertainly before them across the threshold. ‘Ahhh!!!’ she squeaked in fright as she pushed herself out of Hinata’s arms and ran back further into the house, calling for their mother.

Hinata-san had emerged from the kitchen with Natsu clutching tightly to one of her legs a moment later, wiping her hands with a teatowel. ‘Shouyou, is your friend staying over for the night?’

The way Hinata’s eyes widened told Kageyama that neither of them had thought that far.

‘Oh no, thank you but I shouldn’t impose, ma’am—’ Kageyama began before she cut him off.

‘Nonsense! It’s no trouble, it’s not like we didn’t have the room to feed another mouth! And besides,’ she grinned and gestured at her son. ‘Shou-chan had been so excited about his volleyball team, I wanted to meet some of you too!’ 

That was when Kageyama remembered to call his own mother.

‘Hello Tobio, is anything the matter? There’s food in the fridge if you’re hungry.’

She sounded distracted, the background noise of a busy office filtering through the line.

‘Kaa-san, I was wondering – is it okay for me to stay the night at,’ his eyes flickered from Hinata’s face to his mother’s, to a slice of little Natsu’s face peeking out, still hiding from him. Hinata’s mother nodded encouragingly.

‘Um, stay over at my- my friend’s house?’

The line fell silent for a few seconds.

‘Oh? Of course!’ She sounded surprised, with a touch of something else that he didn’t recognise. ‘Go ahead and have a great time!’ 

Kageyama clicked his phone shut and bowed again. He had a vague feeling like he was having an out of body experience.

‘Well, thank you for having me, then,’ he said, mostly to Hinata-san, who only laughed and waved her hand.

‘What a polite young man! Shouyou, you could do well to learn from Kageyama-kun.’

Hinata, who was already peering into the fridge, immediately whirled around with indignation, deeply insulted. ‘What! Kageyama’s never this polite to _me_! He’s just acting!!’

‘Well, maybe that’s because you deserve it,’ she said firmly, a smile hidden behind her hand as she shooed the boys out to prepare dinner.

\--

Kageyama later concluded that everything was probably, some way or another, Hinata’s fault.

It was a few weeks later, when he was sitting in fourth period class, that his phone screen lit up. 

_from: Hinata Shouyou_

_hey kageyama i wanna see what ur house looks like!!_ (◍•ᗜ•́)✧

Kageyama barely looked down from the blackboard when typing his reply.

_to: Hinata Shouyou_

_No._

Before he could slip his phone back into his pocket, it vibrated insistently again in rapid succession.

_from: Hinata Shouyou_

_stingy-yama! no fair!!!_

_from: Hinata Shouyou_

_u’ve seen my house, and i havent seen urs!!_ (。 ˇ‸ˇ 。)

Kageyama paused for a long second. Is that unfair? He wasn’t aware this was another competition between them. There was nothing really interesting about his house, but he supposed it was much closer to school than Hinata’s.

_to: Hinata Shouyou_

_You can see it if you really want, weirdo._

Barely a second passed before his phone buzzed with another notification.

_from: Hinata Shouyou_

_really????? ok!! no take-backs!!_ \\(≧▽≦)/

He felt a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth in spite of himself and decisively shoved his phone back into his jacket pocket, ignoring any further buzzing that followed.

The Kageyama family home was spacious and expansive, so big that his mother would text him to come down to dinner rather than to waste the effort shouting. When she got home before him, which wasn’t very often. Hinata was awestruck by the high ceiling, impressed and jealous at the space and the piles of consoles and electronics in the living-room, demanding them play through all the games Kageyama had only picked up a couple of times. He had complained that his house is small and noisy and cramped, that everything had to be shared with a demanding little sister – but Kageyama recalled the warmth and chatter of the Hinata household, the sound of the tv constantly playing variety programs turned down low, of the way Natsu fell asleep in her big brother’s lap, the way his mother kissed them on the forehead before bed and even gave Kageyama an affectionate head-ruffle – and shook his head.

‘I think I like your house better,’ he replied absentmindedly, before freezing in embarrassment. He hadn’t meant to say it out loud. He glanced over at Hinata, half-expecting to be teased, but Hinata didn’t even miss a beat.

‘That’s good, cause Natsu’s been asking about you ever since! It’s getting kinda annoying, really.’

‘Oh.’ Kageyama blinked. 'She has?' 

He had a strange feeling like he unknowingly let Hinata have his way again.


	2. Chapter 2

Winters in Miyagi had been the same as long as he could remember – little by little, the wind grew slightly colder day by day, a chill biting at everybody’s heels, until one day suddenly it was too cold to step outdoors without at least three layers.

Kageyama was lacing up his running shoes by the front door when there were footsteps behind him, followed by a hand on his head, a light touch of fingers smoothing down his hair. He turned around in surprise - his mother hardly ever rose early enough to see him off in the mornings he had practice before school. ‘Kaa-san?’

She handed him a small colourful booklet while her other hand covered up a yawn. ‘Good morning! I wanted to give you this before you left.’

He examined the individual pages in the booklet, scored at the edges so to be easily torn off. ‘Are these some kind of vouchers?’

‘A colleague mentioned that a new theatre opened in Sendai recently,’ she replied. ‘I thought you might like to go sometime.’

Kageyama frowned.

‘But it’s…not my birthday yet?’ Not to mention he never really had an interest in watching movies.

She shot him a look and sighed. ‘All you do is go to volleyball practice! I know it’s important to you, Tobio, but you should have fun once in a while. Ask Hinata-kun if he wants to come.’

He blinked. She had only met Hinata once or twice, very briefly.

‘Anyway, it’s very cold outside, so don’t forget your scarf! I have to get ready for work.’

She turned on her heel and marched back down the hallway towards her walk-in closet.

‘Thank you for the tickets,’ Kageyama called after her retreating form. She waved a hand at him in response.

He briefly considered not telling Hinata about his mother’s unusual behaviour and just putting the movie vouchers away somewhere, but once again Hinata managed to undermine the best laid plans when he caught a peek of the booklet in Kageyama’s open bag later that morning.

Hinata, who usually only pirated or streamed movies at home – due to a combination of factors being living too far from regular public transport and having to always babysit a little sister when going out – was predictably impressed. 

‘Wow!! Toho Cinemas? I heard they have IMAX!! The tickets must have been expensive! That’s _so cool_ ,’ He enthused with bright eyes as he flipped through the voucher pages with great interest. He was standing so close Kageyama could see his own reflection on the buttons of Hinata’s gakuran. ‘Why’d your mom give it to you all of a sudden?’

 _None of your business,_ he wanted to snap, feeling a spike of irritation. But Hinata was looking at him in that stupid, soft, smiley way he does when he gave someone his full attention, head slightly tilted and expression completely open; and all at once Kageyama found that he could hardly say anything at all.

‘Dunno, but she…said we should go,’ he mumbled in spite of himself.

Hinata almost achieved lift-off from the ground in excitement. ‘Really?? She did?’

‘Tch,’ Kageyama rolled his eyes. At this point it was almost out of instinct. ‘They’re still _mine,_ I can retract the invitation whenever I want.’

Hinata stuck his tongue out at him and grinned, as he rocked on his heels and did a little victory jump.

‘There’s this new paranormal horror movie out that Kinoshita and Narita were talking about the other day! It sounded awesome, and like, super scary, so basically really really cool, what do you think?’

‘Whatever,’ Kageyama shrugged in response, already losing interest. ‘It’s all the same to me.’

Hinata bumped a shoulder against his own companionably, amusement colouring his tone.

‘You’re so weird, Kageyama-kun. I swear girls only like you cause you’re tall.’

Kageyama wasted no time cuffing Hinata over the head with the flat of his palm – but even that only earned him another wide smile, warm and genuine. It made something in his chest seize up again, just briefly, which once again inspired him to contemplate the possibility of insanity.

That same weekend they took an early train into Sendai, the winter sunlight watery and pale white against the midmorning sky. Hinata talked the entire time about how excited he was to get out of the town for a while, volleyball, how cool Sendai is, volleyball, oh hey Kageyama what do you want to get for lunch!! Should we get ramen or curry?

(‘We’re getting curry,’ Kageyama replied – his only meaningful contribution to the conversation.)

When they finally found their seats in the cinema and sat down, it turned out Hinata was totally unprepared for how much more _real_ watching movies on a big screen with surround sound and total darkness felt. Which made sense, Kageyama thought, since even watching action movies on his own laptop made Hinata jump when the fight scenes got too intense. While Kageyama never actively sought out horror movies – twenty minutes in and the excessive violence bored him already – he would admit that the paranormal stuff was unsettling. But it wasn’t too bad; just kind of disturbing. Not as bad as it was for Hinata, who was in the process of curling into a corner of the expansive theater seat, pressing himself into the armrest that separated their seats as much as possible.

Kageyama leaned over towards Hinata and prodded him lightly in the face, poking at the hand Hinata had covering his eyes. No response.

Another bloodcurdling scream accompanied by some truly unpleasant squelching noises made Hinata shudder and flinch as he shrank further into the cushioned backrest.

‘Oi. Do you want to leave?’ Kageyama whispered as quietly as he could at Hinata’s vague shape, still huddled up next to him. ‘If you’re that scared – ‘

Hinata shushed him aggressively. ‘I’m not scared, _you’re_ scared!’

Kageyama mustered the most dubious expression he could summon, but maybe Hinata couldn’t see in the half-dark of the cinema. ‘Seriously?’

‘I picked this so I’m going to see it through!!’ He hissed determinedly, face still mostly hidden behind his fingers.

‘Okay, dumbass,’ Kageyama muttered, settling back into his own seat. ‘It’s your funeral.’

A moment later Hinata shifted in his periphery, adjusting his weight more in Kageyama’s direction. He barely had a second to process this movement when a hand landed on his own, which was already on the armrest between them. Kageyama nearly fell out of his seat, heart thudding irregular beats against his ribcage – but a glance at Hinata, eyes fixed on the screen, other hand covering his face and still half-curled into a defensive ball, looked like he didn’t even notice he had grabbed Kageyama’s hand instead of the actual armrest.

There were some more sounds of bones snapping, distant screaming and heavy breathing from the movie, which appeared to have progressed into a chase scene - but Kageyama could not focus at all. Not having paid much attention from the start, he’d totally lost track of the plot and had little interest in trying to remember what was happening onscreen. Hinata was gripping his hand so tightly that he could feel his fingertips beginning to tingle, telltale signs of interrupted circulation – but Kageyama didn’t dare move an inch. He could hardly believe himself – couldn’t believe what was happening, this steady warmth of Hinata against his shoulder, feeling Hinata’s hair brush against the side of his face – he snuck a look down, and there it was, Hinata’s hand on his hand – his heartrate picked up with a furious vengeance. The high of this sudden proximity was dizzying, the thrill of a most impossible rush.

Kageyama realised he wanted nothing more than to stay like this, to quietly soak up this secret moment, hidden away from the rest of the world, the universe narrowed down to the space where their hands met in the darkness of the theatre. A moment in time caught in this tiny corner of the world. He ignored the uncomfortable press of the armrest between them, digging painfully into his side.

Hinata spent the rest of the movie in the same position, with his face smushed against Kageyama’s shoulder, one hand over his eyes affording only the smallest sliver of view. The other remained on the armrest, clutching onto Kageyama’s fingers.

When recalling the moment later, Kageyama would admit that he did not even realise the movie had ended until the screen went black.

They both startled when the cinema lights came on, unused to the sudden brightness – Hinata instantly released his hold and stood up to stretch with a little too much nonchalance. ‘Wow,’ he whistled. ‘That sure was scary!’

Kageyama could only blink at him as he mutely rubbed life back into his fingertips with his other hand. Hinata wouldn’t meet his eye.

Something behind his sternum squeezed painfully. _What’s wrong? Was it me?_ He wanted to say – but as always, the words just wouldn’t come. 

The train was crowded on the way home and Hinata stayed quiet – even when an influx of people flooded onto the carriage and made him stumble, too short to quite reach the handholds. Kageyama’s mind briefly flickered to an image of catching Natsu mid-tumble before his arm was already reaching out to grab Hinata by the hood of his jacket.

‘Be careful, idiot,’ he mumbled as he offered Hinata an elbow that he took without protest – all the while refusing to look at Kageyama.

When they stepped off the train onto the platform of their stop, Hinata was running for his bike as soon as the carriage doors closed, shouting a goodbye over his shoulder before disappearing.

\--

‘Kageyama, cover!’

The ball flew in an arc high above, a flawless dig – ‘On it!’ he shouted, feet already moving. The position was perfect, the blockers on the other side had fallen for their bait; he reached for the ball as he approached the net, in sync with his spikers.

And then, a familiar voice, a flash of orange hair, the fall of Hinata’s footsteps rounding up behind - ‘I’m here!’

This feeling. This timing. The presence of Hinata was like a constant pull, an inevitable gravity.

_He’s calling me._

Kageyama turned and in one fluid movement, directed his toss towards where he knew Hinata would be, arms outstretched, moving out of pure instinct and muscle memory, moving like they were two parts of one perfectly oiled machine –

He waited for the sound of the spike, but it never came.

The ball landed the ground with a dull thud.

Silence.

Slowly, it rolled away from him towards the darkness of the court.

There was nobody there.

Kageyama whirled around, suddenly finding the court cold and empty. Out of the corner of his eye, there was only one figure standing in the distance.

‘Hinata?’ He wanted to call out, to say something, anything – but he couldn’t will his tongue to move, his voice caught at his throat.

Shrouded in darkness, Hinata wasn’t smiling at all. The look on his face was closer to pity he shook his head at Kageyama, just once, before walking away, turning his head in disgust, in shame – and once again Kageyama was standing alone. A lonely king, locked in a tower of his own making, isolated and left behind.

He woke up with a jolt. A glance at the clock told him it was a while yet before dawn. Groaning, Kageyama pressed the heel of his hand into his eye so hard bright spots appeared in his vision, swimming and dancing.

Only a dream.

Everything felt wrong. Like his skin didn’t quite fit right, like he’d worn all his clothes back to front, like aliens had come in the night and swapped out his body with somebody else’s.

Whatever was happening with Hinata, after the day at the cinema – after Kageyama found himself unthinkingly stroking Hinata’s hair, after all of this – it all had to stop. He never wanted to see that look on Hinata’s face again, be it a dream or not. Spending that much time together surely had proven to be a mistake. 

Hinata wasn’t at their usual meeting place on the way to school that morning, but Kageyama was grimly unsurprised.

He spent all of lunch alone in an empty classroom, sitting at his desk and playing with his phone. Kageyama hadn’t eaten lunch indoors by himself for quite a while, but he didn’t have the heart to go outside, reluctant to face a reality where Hinata wouldn’t be leaning by his locker, already halfway through a pork bun, waiting for him. He wondered what he should say to Hinata.

That is, if Hinata even wanted to talk to him again. But logically he would have to, because they’re on the same volleyball team, and Coach Ukai would skin them alive if they started fighting again. They’d have to still practice together, to work on their timing for their quicks, and stay in perfect synchronisation for their attacks to punch through--

The classroom door slid open with a loud rattle, startling Kageyama out of his reverie.

Hinata stood in the doorway, slightly breathless, a little like he had been running around all the hallways and corridors this entire time. A little like he had been searching for him, door to door, room by room. Before Kageyama could react he took a few steps forward and almost shouted at him across the length of the classroom. ‘I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable yesterday, so please don’t hate me!!’

Their eyes met, and the intensity of Hinata’s determined gaze clutched at something deep within Kageyama.

‘Hate you? I, what, I don’t,’ Kageyama croaked, scrambling to form a sentence. His hands ached, and at the same time his chest filled with confused hope.

Hinata’s cheeks were aflame and he looked utterly miserable.

‘It’s just, it’s really stupid, okay, but I like that you touch me sometimes? Because you never ever touch anybody else and it makes me feel special. And it makes me want to touch you even more! I don’t know, it’s the worst!’ He put both hands over his face and made an aggravated noise, tugging at his own hair in frustration.

Kageyama felt like he might have stopped breathing.

‘And!! I hate you for making me say these things!! It’s just, ugh!’ Hinata cut himself off, his entire face red as lit coals.

Suddenly Kageyama felt like he had been the one running through the school halls, lungs straining for air. His ears were ringing – was it possible that Hinata didn’t mind? The silence between them stretched out for a brief moment longer, only to be broken by the school bell ringing through the classroom speakers. And in a flash Hinata was gone, well before Kageyama could get a hold on his racing thoughts.

Two more periods until end of school.

Did this mean he was allowed to look at Hinata all the time? Allowed to touch him as much as he wants? Well, maybe not as much as he wants. Kageyama didn’t even know how to measure how much that might be.

The thought alone was overwhelming.

He dug his phone out of his pocket. For the first time, he didn’t just want to let things lie.

_to: Hinata Shouyou_

_Don’t leave early, dumbass._

He stared at the ‘message delivered’ notification, the air around him stilling, the seconds dragging out, and then after one, two, three heartbeats -

_from: Hinata Shouyou_

_shut up ur the dumbass_

_from: Hinata Shouyou_

_wait kageyama that’s the first time u texted me first!!!_

_from: Hinata Shouyou_

Σ(￣。￣ﾉ)ﾉ

Kageyama released a breath he didn’t realise he had been holding.

Hinata was late to meet him after the end of school – sheepish, he apologised again, saying sensei held him back because he was looking at his phone for too long. Kageyama flushed at the implication.

They walked from the school gates in an unfamiliar silence, uncomfortable and heavy. Hinata was restless and fidgety as he pushed his bike along. He was gripping the handlebars so hard Kageyama could see his knuckles had turned white.

The streets were largely unpopulated at this time of day, most students having already dissipated – they were surrounded by narrow lanes and pavement, trees rustling in the afternoon sunlight. Hinata’s words from earlier echoed in his head. _I like that you touch me sometimes._

Seized by a sudden impulse, Kageyama commanded them to stop. Hinata almost flinched when Kageyama rounded on him, all impatience and misdirected tension –

‘The streets are empty, don’t worry,’ he said, at the look of flustered alarm on Hinata’s face.

Instead, Hinata appeared even more agitated.

‘That’s why I’m worried, stupid!!’ His voice took on a shrill edge. ‘You’re being scary! What if I need a witness!’

A flare of irritation shot through him. This isn’t what was supposed to happen. ‘Shut up, you scrub,’ he snapped, ‘This is all your fault in the first place!’

‘What do you mean it’s my fault? _You_ were the one who told me to stay!’ 

They were back to arguing, a second from being at each other’s throats again – at this point Kageyama supposed it was second nature to them. Hinata was still babbling, nervous but indignant all the same – hands raised defensively as Kageyama stepped closer.

Armed with the newfound knowledge that Hinata might like being touched, Kageyama’s fingers were itching to reach out and do just that. He didn’t know where to start or where it would be okay to do so, but he was interested in finding out. He shushed Hinata, who surprisingly did fall silent, eyes as big as saucepans.

Tentatively Kageyama laid his palm across Hinata’s shoulder, feeling the jut of collarbone half-hidden by the collar of his uniform – curious fingers inched up to the column of his neck before shifting to rest against Hinata’s jaw. His fingertips gently grazed a reddened ear. He didn’t often see Hinata this close. Kageyama tamped down a growing urge to place his other hand on Hinata, not being sure if it was allowed – so it remained still, balled into a tight fist by his side. He was fascinated with the gradient of colour in Hinata’s golden brown eyes, the perfect curvature of his long eyelashes – and time seemed to stop as his gaze fell on Hinata’s lips, pink and slightly parted. Without realising he had leaned in closer still –

‘Oof!’ A fist made contact with his stomach and he stumbled backwards in shock, winded. The moment was broken.

Hinata had punched him and then immediately started running, full tilt, in the direction of a nearby park.

‘Hey!’ Kageyama spluttered, giving chase. Hinata hadn’t hit him very hard – it was more surprise than anything else that sent him reeling.

‘IDIOT, YOU LEFT YOUR BIKE!!’

Kageyama caught up to him easily – Hinata must not have been running too fast – and before his brain had the time to formulate any coherent plan, he had already leapt forwards, using the momentum gained to reach for Hinata’s midriff and tackled them both into the grass.

As soon as Hinata hit the ground he scrambled away, just out of reach, but mercifully made no further attempt to escape. They were both out of breath but Hinata was red faced and upset, the corners of his mouth downturned – ‘Stupid-yama! You’re so mean!’

Kageyama blinked. ‘Huh?’

‘I said all those embarrassing things and you just _looked at me_ with that stupid blank look on your face and now you’re being all weird! I just want things to be normal, okay, I already said I was sorry!’

Oh. He had a point. Kageyama pulled himself off the grass by the elbows and sat up.

‘I don’t really understand my feelings,’ he admitted, slowly. ‘I don’t know how it’s meant to feel when you like somebody, but – I think, maybe?’

It felt like he was floating outside of his own body, watching himself fumble clumsily over words that didn’t come out right at all. Why was it so difficult and complicated? Why was it so hard to say the things he feels?

‘So you were trying to kiss me just then?’ Hinata suddenly demanded.

Kageyama’s brain threatened to short-circuit again, a faint buzzing in the back of his head. Was he? He had only been thinking about how close he was allowed to get to Hinata, and in the past had not gone beyond vaguely contemplating the concept of holding hands.

‘K..kiss?’ he mumbled, heart in his throat. The air had grown so still.

‘Yes, stupid,’ Hinata almost rolled his eyes, evidently exasperated. ‘Isn’t that what people do in the movies when they like each other?’

Kageyama looked at him, long and considering. Despite everything - it was still Hinata. Relentless, determined, and always by his side. What was there to be afraid of? All at once it was like they were back on the volleyball court, standing toe to toe, Hinata’s eyes glowing with the excitement of a new challenge.

He swallowed, mouth dry. ‘If I was, would you be mad?’

This, this was what they were like, no matter what – always in competition, always raising the stakes. Always jumping for something higher.

‘Um!! Well, I … I guess I wouldn’t hate it,’ Hinata said, unable to hold his gaze. The tone of his voice had changed, and he was flushing all the way to his ears. Although having thought slightly further about the situation than Kageyama, he evidently had not contemplated this progression of events either.

‘Okay, well – okay.’ Kageyama felt lightheaded, like his blood had been replaced with fizzy soda. Like he could float off the ground right there and then. He was glad he hadn’t been standing.

There was nobody else around – only gentle distant chirping of birds in the rustling trees. The afternoon sunlight fell through the trees and all around them in a dappled glow. The winter chill bit at his nose and cheeks, but these only registered in the background to Hinata, who sat cross-legged across from him. There were blades of grass stuck all over his shirt and hair. His eyes were gold in this light; like stars, like solid amber with light shone through. Kageyama took a breath and placed one hand on the ground between them.

Hinata didn’t punch him this time. He smelled like soap and deodorant, impossibly long eyelashes fluttering shut as Kageyama closed the remaining distance between them. His lips were warm, slightly chapped – the press was soft and sweet, and terrifyingly unfamiliar. A spark of electricity - a strange thrill, a quickening of his pulse - made his head spin and his cheeks burn, chasing itself deep inside his bones.

When he pulled back, Hinata’s eyes were brighter than Kageyama had ever seen them.

His mouth was slightly wet.

From _kissing,_ Kageyama marvelled. Kissing _me_.

They stared at each other for several beats of total silence before Hinata leapt to his feet and started sprinting furiously towards the other end of the park – reflexively Kageyama followed right behind, already used to chasing after Hinata both on and off the volleyball court.

‘OI, IDIOT! WHY ARE WE RUNNING AGAIN?’

‘I DON’T KNOW!! IT JUST FEELS RIGHT!’ Hinata shouted back over his shoulder.

He’s not wrong, Kageyama thought – and fought the urge to stop and laugh mid-stride.

How strange everything seemed now, completely different but somehow exactly the same as before. But the blue sky above them was clear, the winter air crisp, and he felt like flying. If Hinata wanted to run, they can keep running.

It’s not like he couldn’t keep up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a loveletter to these two idiots, to falling in love back when you didn’t even have the vocabulary to define it, to being young and feeling invincible -- and to kageyama especially, to all the kids like him who grew up badly socialised, proud, prickly and terribly lonely because of an unfortunate combination of physically/emotionally unavailable parents and a mishandling of natural talent. every kageyama needs his hinata.
> 
> (comments/feedback appreciated! i love reading them u_____u)


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